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The_Middle.S02E08.

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Everybody loves the weekend.It's a time to relax and unwind.

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Unless you're me.

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I'm running errands!Where are my coupons?

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They were right here next to my list.Where's my list?

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Then it's a time to do all the crap you didn't get done the other five days.

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Mom, can you take me, carly, and shannon to the movies?

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honey, i'm already swamped.Can't one of the other moms do it?

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Well, shannon's mom is already picking up, and carly's mom has to stay on the couch for a week,

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because carly's dad accidentally slammed her foot in the car door.

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Lucky.

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Dad, can you take us?

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Oh, I have to go to the hardware store, and that's in the whole opposite direction.

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Plus, I don't really want to.

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Football.Later.

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-Oh, axl!Will you drop me
- what?

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What you got going on on your upper lip there?

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Is that dirt?

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No, it's hair, okay?

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All the guys on the football team are growing beards for the play-offs.

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And what are you doin'?

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Oh. Hilarious, dad.

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For your f.y.i., this is only two days old, and according to beard-guru. Com,

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i'm showing above average hair growth for my age.

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I think it looks great, axl.Totally manly.

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Five it.

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So will you give me a ride to the...

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Dad, and you also are looking very manly today.

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Get in the car.

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Okay, brick, you know the drill.

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Grab a box of something fattening and a couple of diet sodas, and let's hit the road.

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-I'm not going.
-What?

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sorry mon, i can't do it

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Every time you have an errand, it's, "get in the car, brick. Get a snack, brick.

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" I'm not gonna be your poodle anymore.I'm done.

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Poodle anymore.I'm done.

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Oh, come on.Is running a few errands with me really that bad?

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Okay, for sue's prairie project, mint or teal?Mint or teal?

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Which one gets us out of here faster?

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Ooh, remnants.

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So what do ya think?

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Flattering or not so much?

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I love it.

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Okay, we're heading home.

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Frankie!

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Hey, paula!I haven't seen you since the party.

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Did you hear what happened after you left?

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It's this long, crazy story.Have you got a minute?

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Sure.

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Well, you know how we have that powder room downstairs?Well, Mrs.Barnes...

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Well, what can I say, brick?

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Our staff of nannies has the day off, so unless you got a better idea,

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i'm afraid you're stuck with me.

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But you can be my coupon captain.

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Actually I do have a better idea.

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I want to stay home alone.

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Yeah.That's not happening.You're too young.

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Oh, I was old enough to hook your bra in the dressing room.

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-Hook your
- All right.Got it.

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Well, gosh, if it's so horrible to come with me,

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maybe you'd rather spend the whole afternoon at aunt edie and aunt ginny's.

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That'd be great.

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Would it?'cause aunt edie has the edema in her leg again,

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and it's swollen up to the size of a watermelon,

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and you can't react to it, or you'll really hurt her feelings.

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Bring it on.

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Really?He likes amelia?

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But she just moved here.They hardly know each other.

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Oh!She doesn't like him back.

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She's just using him to get back at julia, 'cause she's a backstabber.

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Wow, shannon, you text really fast.

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Thanks.Don't you text?

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Uh, well, this is my mom's old phone.

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It doesn't work.I just use it as a clock.

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It's spencer.

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Okay!We're all in the same car.Let's use our indoor screams.

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He's with greg and brandon.They're gonna meet us at the movie.

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Hang on.Y- you never said there was gonna be boys there.

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Does your mom know about this?

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Dad, it's just a movie.

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Well, movies aren't just movies for boys.

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They're big, dark rooms with girls in them.

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Nothing's gonna happen.Don't you trust us?

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What?I hear this is a good movie.

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So mike was there to keep an eye out for trouble,

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but he soon realized, the real threat wasn't from the boys.

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You have gummy bear in your braces.

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I do? Is it out?

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Now is it out?

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Maybe you should go to the bathroom and check.

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-Okay.Anyone want to come?
-I will.

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Oh, do you have to?I'm really bad at saving seats.

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Okay.Be back in a flash.

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I'm actually really good at saving seats.

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I just wanted to talk to you for a sec, if that's cool?

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-Sure.
-So you and sue are really close, right?

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Duh.She's, like, my best friend.

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-That's why I need your help.
-Okay.

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Here's the thing.I'm having this slumber party on saturday night,

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-and you're invited
.-I am?

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But I really don't think we should say anything to sue about it.

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Then how will she know to come?

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She won't.

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This is so, so hard for me, because I would totally love to invite her, because she's so sweet,

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but I'm just kind of worried that if I do, she might feel uncomfortable there.

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There's just gonna be a lot of wrestlerettes there, and I don't want people to make fun of her.

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I'm just supersensitive about feelings.

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-hey.
-What are you doing?

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You know how all that food you eat sort of magically appears in the cupboards?

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Well, this is a behind-the-scenes look at that process.

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Coach says dairy promotes beard growth.Cheese is dairy, right?

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So...How was your afternoon with the aunts, brick?

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Delightful.

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It was horrible!

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Why can't I stay home alone?I just turned 9.9, mom!

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I'm growing up.I've raked the leaves, and I've almost got that shoe-tying thing down.

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I'm sorry, brick.You're not old enough.

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If it makes you feel any better, I didn't let axl and sue stay home at your age, either.

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I'm smarter than them, and you know it.

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Frankie, you weren't there.I've never seen anything like it.

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This girl was like a bond villain.

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She says words that seem nice, but they're not.They're evil.

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Is this shannon we're talking about?

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Yeah.Shannon.

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Ugh.I was worried about her.I thought she might be bad news.

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Yeah, well, you thought right, and she's moving in on carly with this whole sleepover business.

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You know how sue loves a sleepover.

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Ohh.Poor sue.

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I know.So what are you gonna do?

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-Nothin'.
-Nothin'?

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What do you expect me to do?

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Well, whatever you do about this stuff.I don't know.This isn't my area.

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Mike, you don't think I feel horrible?

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I feel horrible, but there's nothing I can do.

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Wait.You leapt into action and organized a letter-writing campaign

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when they stopped making those cookies you liked.

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Now our daughter's about to get hurt, and you're gonna do nothin'?

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Mike, this is junior high girl drama we're talking about here.

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It's a minefield.Trust me.

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Ya can't just go stompin' in there, or you'll get your legs blown off.

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When did girls get like this?I thought girls were nice.

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Girls are horrible to each other.How can you not know that?

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I've never driven 'em to the movies before.

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-So this is just how girls are?
-Yep.

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-And there's nothing we can do?
-No.

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Brutal.I gotta tell ya, I wouldn't last ten seconds as a girl.

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Now you see why we eat so much chocolate?

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sue, how old were you when mom let you stay home alone?

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Let's see.She left me alone twice accidentally when I was 8, and then on purpose when I was 9.

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What?!

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First of all, there's no way that that's true,

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and if it is true, it's because girls mature faster than boys.

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Axl, how old were you when mom let you stay home alone?

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You don't have to answer that!You're not on trial here.

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Huh.Let's see.

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Uh...Well, accidentally when I was 6, and then for real when I was about 9.

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Hey, don't sweat it.People just mature at different rates, you know?

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Well, well, well.Isn't this an interesting development?

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seems I should certain be treated with the same trust as my brother and sister,

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who have come before me.Don't you guys agree?

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I don't think you should be allowed to stay home alone, but I do agree...

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It's torture being with mom.

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So what's it gonna be?

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What am I supposed to do?If I tell him no, he'll think I don't trust him.

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You don't trust him.

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Of course not.You know how distracted he gets.

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Oh, god.Remember last week?

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He forgot he was riding a bike.

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Look, it's never gonna be a good time with this kid.

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Maybe we should just rip off the band-aid and hope for the best.

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That reminds me.He ate another band-aid this morning.

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One of ours or one he found?Never mind.I don't wanna know.

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We got bigger fish to fry.

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Look what sue left on the kitchen counter.

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"sue and shannon-b.f.f." B.f.f., frankie!

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-You can't do anything.
- Damn it!

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Well, I think we both discovered that...

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It's way easier giving advice than actually taking it...

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'Cause the next day...

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-Hi, dad.
-Hi, sue.Hi, carly.Shannon.

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I'm helping shannon and carly study for their science test.

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Oh, that's very nice of you, sue.

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You're a kind and loyal friend.It's important to be loyal.

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Thanks.

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Thanks for helping us.

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Sue got an "a" in mr.Murphy's class last year.

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Oh, my gosh.Funny story about mr.Murphy.

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He said I'm probably the smartest student he's ever had.

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Oh, yeah?

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I'm sorry, how is that a funny story about Mr.Murphy, exactly?

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'cause it didn't really seem to be about Mr.Murphy at all, and it wasn't funny.

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Did I miss something?

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'cause, well, I'm all for hearing a funny story out Mr.Murphy, but that wasn't it.

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I guess what I was trying to say, without bragging, is i'm usually top of the class,

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but as a wrestlerette captain, i have been crazy busy.

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The teachers are saying they don't know how I do it all.

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I'm just wondering, how is that not bragging?

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I mean, you said you weren't bragging, but you do know what bragging is, right?

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'cause maybe you should skip wrestlerette practice and try cracking a dictionary.

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Dad.

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What?Just helping with the vocab.You know, in case it's ever on a test.

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Come on.Let's go study in my room.

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Not...You...Dad.

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A few days later, i'd run out of milk, and I'd run out of excuses.

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Brick, I've made a decision.I have to make a quick run to the grocery, and ve decided...

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To let you stay home alone.

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Okay.

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That's it?

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you have been hounding me about this for days.I thought you'd be excited.

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Oh, I am.

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All right.Listen.

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I'll be gone exactly 24 minutes, and emergency numbers are by the phone.

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No pay-per-view, no baths, no knives, no going in the attic.

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If sebody comes to the door, don't answer it.

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But if the phone rings, you can answer it, but if it's for me,

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tell 'em I'm in the other room cleaning my gun, and I'll call them back in 24 minutes.

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You got it?

220
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Got it. Bye.

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You're welcome.

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What was I worried about?all he does is sit on the couch and read anyway.

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Everything was gonna be fine.And it would've been fine...

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If he hadn't finished his book.

225
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And there he was, right where I left him.

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What was I worried about?

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Bri, what happened?!Brick, what- Oh!Brick!

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"uh-oh"?That's all you can say?Why were you even using the oven?

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Well, you didn't tell me not to.

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You said no pay-per-view, no baths, no- I didn't think I had to!

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Nobody in this house ever uses the oven!

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That's why I use it to store aunt pearl's quilts!

233
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I just wanted to make pizza rolls.

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Microwave is for pizza rolls!The oven is for bulky storage.

235
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See, this is what happens when I go against my instincts.

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You are never staying home alone again!End of story!

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Hello? I still need my lunch.

238
00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:12,950
so when the next saturday rolled around, brick was back in the saddle with me...

239
00:13:13,050 --> 00:13:15,960
All right.This is our last stop.We just gotta get the car washed.

240
00:13:16,060 --> 00:13:18,860
Don't even.

241
00:13:21,230 --> 00:13:25,520
And mike was determined to make sure that even if sue wasn't invited to shannon's sleepover,

242
00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:27,470
she still had a special night.

243
00:13:27,530 --> 00:13:29,820
I'm really excited for our movie night.

244
00:13:29,900 --> 00:13:33,000
I can't believe you wanted to watch "eclipse.

245
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:34,630
" Yeah, it is kinda hard to believe.

246
00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:36,930
dad.Pretty awesome, right?

247
00:13:37,010 --> 00:13:41,080
My cheek patches are finally in. All I need now is my connector area.

248
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:44,040
I'm pretty sure those aren't actual beard terms.

249
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:50,010
Y, maybe I should call shannon and carly and see if they want to watch the movie with us.

250
00:13:50,140 --> 00:13:54,210
Well, you know, they're probably busy, each with their own thing,

251
00:13:54,310 --> 00:13:57,820
and I kinda wanted to just keep this a father-daughter night.

252
00:13:58,230 --> 00:13:59,730
Really?

253
00:14:02,670 --> 00:14:04,000
Hello?

254
00:14:04,270 --> 00:14:06,140
Hi, shannon.

255
00:14:06,670 --> 00:14:10,970
Nothin'.Just about to watch a movie with my dad.How about you?

256
00:14:12,160 --> 00:14:14,370
Yeah.I have a sleeping bag.

257
00:14:14,820 --> 00:14:16,320
Sure.

258
00:14:18,570 --> 00:14:19,810
What was all that about?

259
00:14:19,810 --> 00:14:22,620
-Shannon wants to borw my sleeping bag.-What?!

260
00:14:22,620 --> 00:14:26,200
Her family going on a last-minute camping trip, so her dad's gonna come by to pick it up.

261
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,820
You know what? How about I take it over myself?

262
00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:34,520
How ya doin'?Mike heck.

263
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,500
Oh. Hi.Steve kendrick.

264
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,510
You didn't have to bring that over.I was gonna come get it.

265
00:14:38,510 --> 00:14:40,930
Ah, it's okay.I was in the area.Thought I'd save you a trip.

266
00:14:40,930 --> 00:14:42,450
I appreciate that.

267
00:14:42,450 --> 00:14:44,320
And I'm happy to do it.

268
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:47,500
Listen, steve, I wanted to kinda talk to you, dad to dad.

269
00:14:47,590 --> 00:14:50,970
You might not know, but your daughter didn't invite my daughter sue to the sleepover,

270
00:14:51,050 --> 00:14:53,760
and now she calls and asks for the sleeping bag.

271
00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:56,230
-Oh, man.
-Yeah, I know.

272
00:14:56,350 --> 00:14:58,740
Wow.Thanks for bringing it over.

273
00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:01,290
Oh.Hang on.I don't think you're gettin' it.

274
00:15:01,380 --> 00:15:05,610
see, They're supposedly friends, and we're talking about a young girl's feelings here.

275
00:15:05,700 --> 00:15:08,700
I know, but shannon wanted to keep it small.

276
00:15:08,790 --> 00:15:10,420
Sure, but what's one more, right?

277
00:15:10,550 --> 00:15:14,450
Well, shannon thinks we actually only have room f five.

278
00:15:14,550 --> 00:15:17,530
Oh, then it's a sqre footage thing.

279
00:15:17,610 --> 00:15:18,970
I bet we could squeeze in one more.

280
00:15:19,090 --> 00:15:21,150
What's your family room- 200, 280?

281
00:15:21,290 --> 00:15:24,000
Should be plenty of room for six sleeping bags, especially if we stagger' em.

282
00:15:24,060 --> 00:15:25,270
We have a big coffee table.

283
00:15:25,380 --> 00:15:27,420
-I'll help you move it.
-It's iron.

284
00:15:27,490 --> 00:15:30,660
I got socket wrenches in my trunk.I beyou get it.take that baby apart in ten seconds.

285
00:15:30,740 --> 00:15:34,890
Look, shannon is shannonShe wants what she wants.you got it?

286
00:15:35,730 --> 00:15:40,750
actually, I don't.I don't get how you can watch your daughter do something like this

287
00:15:40,870 --> 00:15:43,130
to somebody and not feel the need to say anything.

288
00:15:43,130 --> 00:15:48,310
Well, it's not really my job to force my daughter to do something she doesn't want to do.

289
00:15:48,310 --> 00:15:51,110
Actually, that's your exact job.

290
00:15:51,110 --> 00:15:56,280
That is your job and my job- To help our kids be nice, to teach 'em how to be decent.

291
00:15:56,470 --> 00:15:58,740
Yeah, shannon's not really gonna go for that.

292
00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:02,510
Well, maybe should speak to shannon, 'cause she's obviously the one running things around here.

293
00:16:02,510 --> 00:16:03,800
You know what, buddy?

294
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:06,940
Maybe shannon just doesn't consid your daughter a best friend.

295
00:16:06,940 --> 00:16:08,640
Oh, and she's best friends with amelia?

296
00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:14,650
Amelia just moved here, and I know for a fact that she was just using her to get on wrestlerettes.

297
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:16,710
Maybe I should go in there right now and blow that wide open.

298
00:16:16,710 --> 00:16:19,680
Hey, that is not true.They became friends through julia.

299
00:16:19,790 --> 00:16:23,420
Ah, the same julia who didn't return any of her texts, because she was too busy backstabbing her.

300
00:16:23,420 --> 00:16:25,670
You know what?Your daughter doesn't deserve my daughter.

301
00:16:25,780 --> 00:16:27,460
Here.Take this stupid sleeping bag.

302
00:16:27,540 --> 00:16:29,180
I don't want it.

303
00:16:29,180 --> 00:16:30,390
Then you shouldn't have asked for it.

304
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:31,440
I said, I don't want it.

305
00:16:31,510 --> 00:16:32,250
-Take it.
-You take it!

306
00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:34,040
-You take it!
- You take it!

307
00:16:34,370 --> 00:16:36,360
Dad, we need more popcorn.

308
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:41,890
Go ahead, steve. We both know you're gonna go.

309
00:16:54,570 --> 00:16:55,610
Backseat.

310
00:16:55,610 --> 00:17:00,450
just For the car wash part.I bet yo****

311
00:17:00,540 --> 00:17:03,940
Don'tsit up here it's been a long day.

312
00:17:04,060 --> 00:17:05,090
.Tell me about it.

313
00:17:05,090 --> 00:17:07,240
Hey, errands are no fun for me, either.

314
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:09,650
You don't think I'd rather spend umy weekend reading magazines.

315
00:17:09,740 --> 00:17:11,180
And doing my nails?

316
00:17:11,270 --> 00:17:12,860
But stuff's gotta get done, brick.

317
00:17:12,950 --> 00:17:14,850
That's fine, but let me stay home.

318
00:17:14,850 --> 00:17:17,690
You don't think i'd rather spend umy weekend I let you stay home.

319
00:17:17,690 --> 00:17:17,710
You practically burned down the house.

320
00:17:17,710 --> 00:17:19,260
Who keeps a quilt in the oven?

321
00:17:19,260 --> 00:17:24,660
Who uses up 500 feet ofinfoil?Yeah, that's right.I found the giant ball.

322
00:17:24,660 --> 00:17:26,110
I hate coming with you!

323
00:17:26,110 --> 00:17:28,740
Well, it's no picnic for me, either.Sometimes I just wanna-aah!

324
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:32,150
It's flooding the car!

325
00:17:32,810 --> 00:17:35,050
Give me that sheet of dinner rolls!

326
00:17:56,470 --> 00:17:58,310
Hey, dad.Why do you still have the sleeping bag?

327
00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:03,840
Theyidn't want it.They don't realize how terrific this sleeping bag is.

328
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:07,580
If they can't appreciate this sleeping bag...To hell with 'em.

329
00:18:07,650 --> 00:18:09,170
It's really not that great.

330
00:18:09,170 --> 00:18:11,910
I think mom found it at the church.

331
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,810
Wow, what an awesome week.

332
00:18:17,810 --> 00:18:23,200
Fand now I get to watchmost a movie with just my dad.

333
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:24,850
Mike knew the truth would come out.

334
00:18:24,850 --> 00:18:27,870
Somebody would text somebody, who'd put it on their facebook page

335
00:18:27,950 --> 00:18:31,730
that there waa party, and she wasn't there, and he was.

336
00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:36,250
Yep, tre was gonna be a whole lot of junior high pain comin' sue's way...

337
00:18:36,250 --> 00:18:40,260
Tomorrow, so mike decided they should just enjoy tonight.

338
00:18:40,340 --> 00:18:45,560
So explain to me again why her only choices for a date are a vampire and a wolf man.

339
00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:50,190
It's not a date, dad.They're battling for bella's soul.

340
00:18:50,190 --> 00:18:52,670
- And see that one there, edward
- He's in love with bella,

341
00:18:52,670 --> 00:18:55,570
but then taylor lautner came along- He's the one with the abs?

342
00:18:55,570 --> 00:19:00,730
Exactly.And so now she's sort of conflicted, because she had to choose between taylor lautner

343
00:19:00,730 --> 00:19:05,480
and his gorgeous abs and robert pattinson and that hair.

344
00:19:08,910 --> 00:19:12,600
Oh, you should've seen your face when the water came in the windows.

345
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:16,400
What about you?You were sneezing suds.

346
00:19:17,150 --> 00:19:21,170
Ohh, brick.I'm sorry for what I said.

347
00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:24,130
Sometimes moms scream things they don't mean.

348
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:26,520
I'm sorry, too.

349
00:19:28,020 --> 00:19:34,910
It's just hard, you know.You're my youngest, my last one.

350
00:19:34,910 --> 00:19:41,970
I guess maybe the reason i'm not ready for you to stay alone, besides the fire thing...

351
00:19:41,970 --> 00:19:45,530
Is because...I'm gonna miss hanging out with you.

352
00:19:45,620 --> 00:19:50,800
Me, too.But we'll still see each other around the house.

353
00:19:50,830 --> 00:19:52,610
Hey. I'll tell ya what.

354
00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:56,770
When you can tie your shoe, i'll let ya stay home alone.

355
00:19:56,840 --> 00:20:00,200
Deal.We'll revisit this in ten mutes.

356
00:20:00,620 --> 00:20:04,760
It was more like ten months, but who's counting?

357
00:20:06,670 --> 00:20:08,510
got it.

358
00:20:10,130 --> 00:20:12,630
Dude, where's your beard? You're falling way behind.

359
00:20:12,630 --> 00:20:14,940
Very funny guys.Hilarious!

360
00:20:14,940 --> 00:20:17,890
Oh, relax.We're just kiddin'.

361
00:20:25,890 --> 00:20:29,330
Okay, new plan.I'm telling the team my mom forbid me to grow a beard,

362
00:20:29,330 --> 00:20:33,710
AAAAAAAA

363
00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:37,280
BBBBBBB

364
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:43,430
CCCCCCCC

365
00:20:43,430 --> 00:20:46,010
DDDDDDDD

366
00:20:46,060 --> 00:20:50,610
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